Posts
I forgot to post these here. Whups. Got them done back in April-ish? :-) Finally... and now I want more!
In photo: Left (right wrist): Compassion, Right (left wrist): Love. Each with lotus flowers under the characters which symbolizes rebirth and renewal.
My brother's friend is a Chinese Medicine doctor! He studied with one of the best doctors in Florida and he now does this for only friends and families. I saw him today and he prescribed me a week's worth of medicine to brew. I just drank my 1st evening's dose... OMG so bitter. SO SO SO BITTER. Seriously so glad I have some chocolate to counter balance the yuck in my mouth. I hope this helps me. I am so tired of being sick all the time. My immune system blows chunks. Here's to hoping.
"Oopsies... my red unmentionable is showing..."
I cleaned, scrubbed and semi-organized! Gave away a car trunk load of clothes!
More to do, more to do!
Even cooked for friends on Sat night and went shopping on Sunday night too.
More to do more to do!
I will get my haus cleaned up this week, I hope. :)
I did a good deed today and made a homeless man cry. It was quite touching really.
I was on my way to work after I got off the bus. At the cross walk, I saw a man standing at the light desperately asking passerby's "I just need 15 cents..." and everyone just ignored him. I first passed him but felt the energy of how sad he was and turned back around after taking 3 steps. I pulled out my wallet and gave him $3 and started asking him questions. He said this is like the first day in Seattle. He came from Arizona and is on his way to find his daughter and needed to get to Olympia, WA. He started crying and said that I was the first person that was nice to
him. I gave him a hug cuz he looked like he could use one. He told me he hadn't eaten anything in 2 days. I said, why do you need the 15 cents for? He said he needed to make 50 cents so he can buy popcorn. :( I said, you know what, let me take you to get breakfast. He at first didn't want to because he didn't want to beg and he said I didn't need to do that for him. I told him I wanted to and he needs food to have energy to keep on his quest. I took him to a breakfast nearby and had him pick what he wanted to eat. We got him a corned beef hash full breakfast with eggs and toast. He kept asking me why am I doing this? I showed him my new tattoos of Love & Compassion and said that we are all connected, that I don't have to, but I want to. He then ask me if I was Christian. I said, no, I'm a Buddhist. He was surprised and said, wow. I gave him $5 more to help him get bus passes to get to Olympia. While he was waiting for his breakfast, I said goodbye to him cuz I was already late for my 9:30 meeting. I wished him luck on finding his daughter. He was so touched that he started crying again. I almost cried too but I had to get to work so I didn't let myself get teared up. It felt great to be able to help a soul. We are all very fortunate and if you can help someone out, please do. Every little bit helps.
It's the LOG song from Ren & Stimpy!!!
What rolls down stairs alone or in pairs
Rolls over your neighbor's dog?
What's great for a snack and fits on your back?
It's Log, Log, Log!
It's Log, Log, it's big, it's heavy, it's wood.
It's Log, Log, it's better than bad, it's good!
Everyone wants a log! You're gonna love it, Log!
Come on and get your log! Everyone needs a Log!
Log, from Blammo!
Been doing really well the last 6 months and the last time I saw my therapist (about a month ago), she and I decided that it is time to lower my anti-depressant dosage. I've been doing pretty well except for the last week. It's been a bit more difficult again to deal with the day to day emotional stuff. This depression thing is baffling to me. I know my life is going well and I am well loved and have tons of fun, but the chemistry in my brain makes it so that I don't feel good. How effe'd up is that?
I am telling you this so you know, and I know.
I continue to deal with life, at a lower dosage of meds because I was doing so good on a heavier dosage and now it's time to wear a less thick armor of coat around my heart / emotions.
It's the next stage in the evolution of healing and rid of depression once and for all.
But in the meantime, I am definitely more fragile emotionally.
I cried repeatedly today at work (quietly) while dealing with a friend over IM re some stupid drama.
I know that it wasn't a big deal but I couldn't help myself but cry cuz it felt so painful in my heart.
I literally have not cried like this in a while.
When a person deals with depression, these negative emotions get magnified.
It's really messed up and I have no control over it.
All I am doing is tapping into the love and compassion I have for myself and remembering that I am confident and able to deal with anything. I have before, I just have to learn to do it again until it becomes very natural to me.
I don't normally talk about this stuff because of a general lack of understanding around the issue of depression by pretty much everyone including myself. But I need to because it is healthier if I do.
I'm doing my best and forgetting the rest. Being good to myself. Being kind to myself. Loving myself. I will not forget to do these things even if the negative monster is trying to cover up everything with gloom. I will overcome this, and I am asking for your love and compassion for me and anyone that you know who is battling with depression.
That is all.
I need a change.
A major change.
I had been asleep for a while.
I had been asleep for too long.
My work laid off 30% of its employees last week, which included my two best friends at work.
Fuggg.
I think I'm gonna be laid off too.
Or something.
This isn't what I want.
I've been buying time.
I've always wanted to work for myself.
and I will.
I am tired of waiting.
Who the fuck am I waiting for?
Me.
Time to make a move.
