13 posts tagged “hawaii”
My first YouTube video :)
BTW, the Nene is on the federal endangered species list so it was totally a rare treat to feed it and see it charge at the chicken!
I haven't really wanted to touch my computers since I got back to Seattle. Still relishing in the relaxation that has left me blissfully happy. I want this zen to last as long as possible.
My bedroom, on the other hand, is a disastrous zone. It has never been this messy before. Yowzers. At least I washed my sheets so I am sleeping on yumminess.
Ahhhhh Kaua'i, my favorite place to unwind. I wish I can go there anytime I want. I can actually sleep there... 8+ hours a day!!! As soon as I got back to Seattle, all the good sleeping habits went away, d'oh.
We ate at the breakfast buffet every morning: bacon and fruit!!! FTW! I danced along the beach with my ipod (ignoring glances from scared people) while @sheridanzig read books by the pool. It was just fabulous that we didn't have any agenda to keep or appointments to go to. One of the days we took a raft trip up to Na Pali coast and it was breathtakingly beautiful. Another day, a friend who is a local took us up to the 11 miles of natural whilte sand beach Pole Hale which you can only get to with a 4x4. That too, was just incredible.
We missed our flight coming home so we had to book another flight on another airline. This means I now have credit with Hawaiian Air that I have to use up within a year. Oh yah, I'm so going back to Kaua'i. I think I want to try hiking the 10 miles at Na Pali coast.
It's as if going to Hawaii in 2 days will be the end of an old chapter and the beginning of a new one.
It's a fantastic finale to a hard year and a fabulous way to start a new one.
In 2 days I shall be laying on the beach letting the sun burn away all my worries and letting the ocean wash away the hurt. I am ready for a renewal trip with my awesome Caucasian twin.
I'm ready to leave the last year behind and take from it what I can to learn and better my life and circumstances with it. I'm ready to fully embrace the unknowns of tomorrow.
There was this one profound quote from Kung Fu Panda:
Yesterday is history,
Tomorrow is mystery.
Today is a gift, and that's why it's called "the present".
Yaye :)
I've decided to quit drinking diet sodas again (not counting Talking Rain which has no fake sugar in it).
Aspertame is not my friend and does not do my body good.
I'm also going to try not drinking alcohol until Hawaii (GameBoy laughed at me about this yesterday as he said, yah right, you won't last). I told him: Haha! Shut up. :) I probably won't last but he was having a nice IPA beer yesterday while we were having steak and I did not cave.
What else?
Oh, no more refined sugar either.
I want to treat my body good.
My first class in pole dancing was on Saturday and it was spectacular. I loved every moment of it. I felt sensual, feminine and beautiful. The teacher taught us this little routine that we can practice at home without a pole. It's not dirty at all, it's quite a gorgeous art form. I think I am probably gonna try and see how far / advanced I go with this. It incorporates a lot of dance movements, with yoga, and core strengthening techniques. It does my body good! The class is only 6 students (women only) which gives us plenty of time to practice and have 1:1 time with our teacher. We all got to twirl down the pole several times and it was so fun and sexy! I'm so glad that I finally just signed up and did it.
The bikinis I ordered from Victoria Secret fit pretty good :)
Only 16 days until Kaua'i.
That'll give me enuf time to get well and get really toned.
Me and Sheridanzig (formerly known as Rockin Vixin) are gonna chill and lay on the white sandy beach, drink beerz and experience the tropics. It'll be a very laid back vacation, which is what we both want/need.
It's the final count down!
Owie. Heart hurts.
Cried all the way home from a night of karaoke with friends.
The karaoke was really fun.
Guys wanted to buy me drinks (I turned 'em all down).
One made me take his phone number (I've lost it already).
Got talking with Brazil about stuff.
Recalling that this time last year I was stuck in Hawaii.
Tossed away like trash by the person that was my world.
Thought that we were on a vacation to change our world by trying to get knocked up.
Instead I was told that "I am not in love with you any more and I'm not sure if I want to try."
Such harsh words.
Like millions of salted daggers in my chest.
Hemorrhaging everything that was of value in the marriage.
I died that day and lost everything I knew.
Pain became a constant.
I wanted it stop.
Losing a lover and a best friend.
I'm still mourning.
Owie.
I hurt.
In my heart, I hurt.
I cried on the drive home tonight.
It was overdue.
It's so weird to think that a year ago today we were still married and I was still the dumb girl in love pretending that he still loved me pre-shit hit the fan Hawaiian vacation and crying anger fest. I took him to our favorite (and very expensive) sushi restaurant for his 37th birthday, surprised him with special order dvd of this kooky show Let's Bowl, a KISS Destroyer record that I found, and The Police tickets. Thinking back, my gifts to him were all very thoughtful and music-oriented to support his endeavors. The Police concert was not as fun as I hoped since it occurred after we got back from Hawaii and he showed no affection towards me and was on his wooshy washy I don't know if I want to try at this marriage but I still love you but not in love with you rampage. It was a very awkward and a desperate time in my life and I still remember how I felt like I was like fish out of water trying to suck air but couldn't.
It's so strange to see and live where my life is today compared to a year ago. A year ago I thought I was going to try to start a family with Rocker. A year ago, nothing else mattered except for him. A year ago I had been dying inside and falling to the depth of depression even further. A year ago I was physically weak and unhealthy and suffered almost daily migraines. A year ago, my world as I knew it fell completely apart.
I still remember Rocker telling me how he asked for his boss' advice on our marriage and his boss said "if it's meant to be it's meant to be." This came from a man that had his family living in Philly while he worked in Seattle... a man that invited Rocker out every night to talk business and got drunk with Rocker until dawn. I remember thinking, wow, "if it's meant to be?" and told Rocker that that is something someone say when they want to give up or when things are completely over to make themselves feel better.
Almost a year later now and I am still recovering. He was the love of my life. He was my best friend. Today we're merely acquaintances that chit-chat lightly about our ex-co-owned pets and money issues that arise due to the divorce. How strange it is that someone was an integral part of your world is no longer?
I feel like I've risen from the dead, I have been reborn. Parts of me are still renewing itself and parts of me are still recovering slowly from the anguish, the pain, the betrayal, the deliberate hurt, the yearning, the grief. I've done a tremendous amount of thinking and I believe a tremendous amount of growth. I still don't have all my shit together but I know I am constantly getting better. I make mistakes but I try to not repeat them and learn from them. I love myself now for the first time ever and I can say it without crossing my fingers. I believe that love does conquer all and compassion is the key to deep understanding and trust.
The divorce is perhaps a blessing in disguise. Everything happens for a reason that we may not comprehend at the time. Even with all the trauma I still wouldn't change a thing. I needed a wake up call and I am thankful that I was able to recognize the opportunity for growth within. I am doing all the things that I didn't think I was going to be able to accomplish when I first moved out in October. I am having fun. I am enjoying life.
He told me recently he was very lonely and I feel very sad for him. He had it all but didn't want to look within to figure out how to fill his void. He looked outward and found much distractions to instantly satisfy. He was a very good person when I met him and has changed into someone I do not recognize the last 2 years. He's still a good person I think and hope that he's finding his way back. Part of me will always love him and as a friend, I wish him a very happy birthday and I hope that he finds true happiness in life.
The little dog did very well today by herself for 8 hours! No accidents and she didn't chew on anything that's not given to her. She was so happy to see me when I got home and we went out for a long walk afterwards. She is such a cutie pie. Although, she will purposely go into my purse to get stuff out and chew on it in front of me to let me know she wants attention. Haha, I can't really get angry at that :) You know? She also does this thing where she takes her treat and hides it/buries it under blankets or stuff around the room. So weird and adorable.
Work is busy as ever as I haven't been there for 1.5 weeks. With the flu, I'm functioning only on 1/2 of a brain so it really wasn't that fun weeding through thousands of unread emails. I used the delete key often and hope that if someone really wanted my attention that they'd email me again. I think I also spread enough bacteria around by my coughing up my lungs everywhere I went. It's like the deep cough that hurts the chest. Ouie.
I really need to workout. It's been almost 2 weeks of drinking and eating like shit and no working out. Although I did run 1/2 of the way on the walk with the little dog. I think I'll do core synergistics today since it's strength/flex/aerobics combo focusing on the core areas. Besides, drinking resumes on Thursday night when I go to my first wine club event and then another club opening on Friday, then McGuyver's b-day party at DD's. From my trip to Austin, my new favorite drink is now diet Red Bull and Vodka. So delicious and so energetic all at the same time. It's like I'm buzzed but very high at the same time.
In May, I'm going on a road trip with few friends to LA and back! Yah!!! I can't wait :) It's gonna be so fun! Oh Canada organized this trip so it's going to be massively entertaining and fun. She is terrific and we kinda goad each other on with our neurosis in regards to boys reactions to us. We recently started a new very super secret private group on FB called "BoysRstoopid" by invitation only. It's just for fun and where we rant about boyz. Haha. We're both like hotties in our 30's going on our 20's. She's going thru the same thing that I went thru and so we kinda are in a similar place in life right now. Plus she is gorgeous and all the boyz want her. Haha!
Reminder to self: Must go get snow tires removed... um yah, I keep forgetting so I must do this on Saturday before it becomes illegal to drive around with snow tires on.
Hawaii -- I really want to go somewhere beautiful and tropical but have no one to go with. Maybe it's dangerous to go cuz I might just fall in love with the person I go with there. Haha, yah right. I'm not sure if my nearly-dead-trampled-barely-beating heart is able to fall in love just yet (it'll take a miracle or tremendous love, kindness, openness and affection from the other person). Whatever the case is, I can use some relaxation time on the beautiful sandy beach and drinking Mai Tai's. A massage on the beach would be magnificent as well. Calgon, take me away!!!
