48 posts tagged “health”

My brother's friend is a Chinese Medicine doctor! He studied with one of the best doctors in Florida and he now does this for only friends and families.  I saw him today and he prescribed me a week's worth of medicine to brew. I just drank my 1st evening's dose... OMG so bitter. SO SO SO BITTER. Seriously so glad I have some chocolate to counter balance the yuck in my mouth. I hope this helps me. I am so tired of being sick all the time. My immune system blows chunks. Here's to hoping.

Been doing really well the last 6 months and the last time I saw my therapist (about a month ago), she and I decided that it is time to lower my anti-depressant dosage.  I've been doing pretty well except for the last week.  It's been a bit more difficult again to deal with the day to day emotional stuff. This depression thing is baffling to me.  I know my life is going well and I am well loved and have tons of fun, but the chemistry in my brain makes it so that I don't feel good.  How effe'd up is that?

I am telling you this so you know, and I know.
I continue to deal with life, at a lower dosage of meds because I was doing so good on a heavier dosage and now it's time to wear a less thick armor of coat around my heart / emotions.
It's the next stage in the evolution of healing and rid of depression once and for all.
But in the meantime, I am definitely more fragile emotionally.
I cried repeatedly today at work (quietly) while dealing with a friend over IM re some stupid drama.
I know that it wasn't a big deal but I couldn't help myself but cry cuz it felt so painful in my heart.
I literally have not cried like this in a while.

When a person deals with depression, these negative emotions get magnified.
It's really messed up and I have no control over it.
All I am doing is tapping into the love and compassion I have for myself and remembering that I am confident and able to deal with anything. I have before, I just have to learn to do it again until it becomes very natural to me.

I don't normally talk about this stuff because of a general lack of understanding around the issue of depression by pretty much everyone including myself.  But I need to because it is healthier if I do.

I'm doing my best and forgetting the rest. Being good to myself. Being kind to myself. Loving myself. I will not forget to do these things even if the negative monster is trying to cover up everything with gloom.  I will overcome this, and I am asking for your love and compassion for me and anyone that you know who is battling with depression.

That is all.

I think I am going crazy.
Kthxbai.

Got my test results back from my doctor yesterday.
I'm anemic, and I have a thyroid problem.
Additionally, my immune system isn't functioning as well as it should be.

No wonder I've been getting sick so often.

Stress has done a job on me.

So I spent Xmas day at the ER due to excruciating belly pains.  They kept me for over 24 hours with lots of tests and couldn't find a thing wrong with me and then released me.  Since then, I haven't been feeling right.  Not eating much and just in general not feeling well in the digestive department.

Today I had my annual exam with my regular doctor and she ran some rushed blood test since I am still not well in the belly. She just called and said that my white blood cell count seems to be elevated and it shows sign of an infection.  The area that was hurting badly when she was pushing in parts of my belly is hurting more so now.  She wants me to go in for another set of tests tomorrow.  I might be looking at appendicitis.

So I am laying low at home this New Year's eve with the pups and hopefully not having to make an evening trip to the ER should my body decide to make me vomit or punch itself harder in the belly.

I've been really trying to spend less time mindlessly wondering around and get more focused as I realized that it has become such a huge distraction for me.

I am still online but at least I'm doing productive things (like paying bills, emailing, researching). 

On the nation front:
Here's a shout out to everyone that is over 18 and voted.  THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.  Regardless who you voted for, it is absolutely awesome that you took the time and exercised your right to vote.

In Seattle, everyone is super stoked about our newly elected President Obama.  We cannot wait to see the positive changes that are coming.  Yay!

On the work front:
I feel like I'm on track to get back to where I was at 100% 3 years ago.  I'm happy with my team, and especially happy with my new manager.  For the first time in my life, I feel like I really have a great mentor/manager that does care about my growth.  Today, he said that from the last month of observation, he sees that I have the most potential, but also have lots "whirlwind" happening around me.  He said that is unusual and we talked about some stuff and he made suggestions on how we can start tackling those whirlwinds and really help me grow.  He even suggested 3 books for me to read.  I am so thankful that I finally have a manager that is an excellent leader and really cares about his people.

On the life front:
Me and @sabrigley decided to have a FB marriage after attending our friend's wedding last weekend in LA (in which I was the ordained minister).  We had our first "staff meating" yesterday evening - our code word for eat some beef and pole dance! Hahaha!  I am very iron deficient so my doctor told me that I have to eat more red meat. @sabrigley started taking pole dance class after I invited her to an open house.  In support of both endeavors, we came up with the idea of weekly "Staff Meating".  :)  @sabrigley is such an awesome person.

On the dog front:
Solo is no longer allowed to sleep on the bed with me.  She is disobedient even after the expensive bootcamp because she thinks she is the alpha.  Well, no more. :)  Chewie at this point still sleeps on the bed with me because surprisingly (and probalby due to breed), she wants to please me and always come to me when I call her.  She is now learning to sit and down.

That's all for now.  I'm gonna drive my ass home so I can do my new workout - the Ten Minute Trainer (which kicked my ass yesterday).  It's made by the same trainer that did p90x - the system that I used to get very fit in the first place.

After an extensive chat with my therapist last night, it is deemed best that I hold off my SF trip until I feel better.  I just basically wanna sleep right now, like, all the time.  Yawn yawn yawn.  My therapist asked if I've been keeping on my iron intake... well ugh, bad Alixito hasn't refilled her Ferrous Oxide in a while... so no.  But I did get it filled yesterday and started back on it last night.  She also said that I need to schedule an appt with my naturopath doctor and do some more blood work to see if anything else is unbalanced.  In the meantime, keep on with the vitamins, iron, meds, and rest, rest, rest.

I wanna see my friend Tiger in SF but I probably won't be fun this weekend. :(  But at least I'm doing something about fixing me.

Still feeling a bit overwhelmed at work (and behind on a few projects that I promised would be done today) but I'm definitely feeling better than I did yesterday.

Not sure why but I had two giant pieces of pizza and a big thing of Odwalla for lunch and I now feel like a nap is in order.  I gotta crank out this project but my stupid fairly new wireless mouse is dead (even with new batteries it's still dead).  This means having to use the touch pad on the laptop... travesty! 

OK I better crank out work regardless cuz I'm going to meet a friend for Karaoke this evening.

More like starving, really.
Maybe a big cup of wholesome tomato soup, garlic bread and banana bread isn't enough for this body for lunch.

Need to go to my rental and pick up my mail. 
(um hello, my subscription to Penthouse isn't being forwarded... wtf?! hahaha!)
My tenants are pretty cool people and they are taking care of the house for me nicely since they are general contractors!  Woot & score for me.  I feel lucky that they aren't destroying the house like the one of the previous tenants (they did not vacuum or clean up any spills, which destroyed the carpet for the entire house).

Halloween is coming up and I need a costume.  I don't know why I always wait until last minute to do this.  Maybe I'll get a costume that I can also wear for pole dancing.  Hee hee.

I've been pulling out more white hairs again lately outta my head.  It feels like I'm aging rapidly.  The weird thing is, you can tell where the black color is fading into the white.  I must be stressed out.  Hence the breakouts too.

The zero gravity chair is ossm!  I've been taking lots of naps in it and I don't wanna get up from it.  It really makes it feel like there is no pressure on your back at all.

Been over-sleeping a lot more in the last few weeks and not wanting to do anything or be social.  :(  Stupid sadness... but I know I'll get over it soon as this is kinda a hard time for me right now (see previous post).

OK, time for me to go pick up my porn mags. Haha.

In the last month, I noticed how sore I was getting everyday from doing... nothing.  I was in much great pain like I used to be with all my muscles shouting at me.  I self medicated one weekend and zoned out and it did help temporarily.  Then I remember how it's been like almost 2 months since I worked out to my DVDs (basically right before I went to Kauai and then got really sick for like a month after I got back).  Don't get me wrong, pole dancing is a good workout but I really only go to class once a week and practice on my own here and there.  The DVDs made me fit when I stuck to the routine and made me able to do more pushups than most boys combined.  Bwahaha.

So last night, I did my workout - Kenpo!  My body felt awesome!  My goal is to workout to my P90X DVDs at least 3 times a week in addition to walking the pups and pole dance classes.  Workout = Body feels no pain.  Besides, I am going back to Kauai in late November so I wanna make sure that I'm tip top shape for bikini time (and all the other times, but especially bikini times).

Another thing that I am doing now is to sleep by 10 or 1030.  OK, I broke that rule last night, but the 4 work nights prior I did well and got myself 8 hours of sleep per night. Yaye!  Well OK, except for Solo and Chewie kept waking me up every 2-3 hours to battle for the 2nd in command spot for like 30 - 45 minutes.  Yah, puppies :) That 2.4 lb dog is fierce I tell ya!  She leaps at the 30 lb Solo's head!  LEAP!  Haha.