77 posts tagged “love”

Reading a Buddhist article on dealing with jealousy, I come across this paragraph:

... it is an unrealistic expectation that any one person will be our special perfect match, like our "other half," who will complement us in all ways and with whom we can share every aspect of our lives. Such an expectation is based on the ancient Greek myth told by Plato that originally we were all wholes, who then were split in two. Somewhere "out there" is our other half; and true love is when we find and reunite with our other halves. Although this myth has become the foundation for Western romanticism, it does not refer to reality. To believe in it, like believing in the beautiful prince who will come to rescue us on a white horse, is an acquired, culturally specific phenomenon.

I agree.That's why if and when you find a person that feels just right, you do what you can to nourish it and grow it. Love is ever expanding, if you allow and welcome it.

I forgot to post these here. Whups. Got them done back in April-ish? :-) Finally... and now I want more!

In photo: Left (right wrist): Compassion, Right (left wrist): Love.  Each with lotus flowers under the characters which symbolizes rebirth and renewal.

Tattoos

Found on http://xkcd.com/55/

Useless

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I did a good deed today and made a homeless man cry. It was quite touching really.
I was on my way to work after I got off the bus. At the cross walk, I saw a man standing at the light desperately asking passerby's "I just need 15 cents..." and everyone just ignored him.  I first passed him but felt the energy of how sad he was and turned back around after taking 3 steps.  I pulled out my wallet and gave him $3 and started asking him questions. He said this is like the first day in Seattle.  He came from Arizona and is on his way to find his daughter and needed to get to Olympia, WA.  He started crying and said that I was the first person that was nice to him.  I gave him a hug cuz he looked like he could use one. He told me he hadn't eaten anything in 2 days.  I said, why do you need the 15 cents for? He said he needed to make 50 cents so he can buy popcorn. :( I said, you know what, let me take you to get breakfast. He at first didn't want to because he didn't want to beg and he said I didn't need to do that for him. I told him I wanted to and he needs food to have energy to keep on his quest.  I took him to a breakfast nearby and had him pick what he wanted to eat.  We got him a corned beef hash full breakfast with eggs and toast. He kept asking me why am I doing this? I showed him my new tattoos of Love & Compassion and said that we are all connected, that I don't have to, but I want to. He then ask me if I was Christian. I said, no, I'm a Buddhist. He was surprised and said, wow.  I gave him $5 more to help him get bus passes to get to Olympia.  While he was waiting for his breakfast, I said goodbye to him cuz I was already late for my 9:30 meeting. I wished him luck on finding his daughter.  He was so touched that he started crying again. I almost cried too but I had to get to work so I didn't let myself get teared up.  It felt great to be able to help a soul. We are all very fortunate and if you can help someone out, please do. Every little bit helps.

In my pole dance classes, the last 15 minutes is usually saved for individual routine performances. These tiny recitals in front of other students are a terrific way to  appreciate each other’s differences, and maybe your own.  I’ve always had a very difficult time settling down my mind and be comfortable really dancing in front of anyone.  I always felt like I had to put on a show… kinda like how my life really has been for me… for a long while now. To appease and hide anything negative.  

Before I started my routine last night, my teacher spoke to me privately and advised me: less is more.  She told me that I am a beautiful woman and don’t need any of that extra stuff to show it.  Just do the basics and let the beauty flow out on its own.  She asked to see the “real” Alix.  I did exactly what she advised me to do and I chose to dance my routine to Sarah Bareilles’ “Gravity”.  This had been a song that I loved to dance to alone, in the privacy of my own home.  I hadn’t had the courage to dance to this song in front of others because the lyrics are very haunting to me and speaks honestly to how raw my heart still feels, almost 2 years after my breakup with my ex.

I took a deep breath and thought to myself how I preach "less is more" in my profession as a designer, yet I clutter up my very own projected image… why?

I walked slowly towards the wall as the first part of the routine.

Something always brings me back to you…
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.

I took my time dancing and really tried  becoming a part of the music.  I am the tenderness of the rhythm. I am both the sadness and the power of the lyrics.  I am beauty.  I am grace.  I am drawing on my memories to express the pain that I had been feeling.

You hold me without touch
You keep me without chains
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain

I touched my body as if I was feeling the aches that are still plaguing me. Babying them.
I sighed quietly as if I am finally able to breathe for the first time. Fresh air felt liberating.

Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be
But you're on to me and all over me

Why am I still so afraid to see myself? Why am I refusing to see myself?
Why do I hide behind the clutter that I fabricate?
I am afraid to let the authentic me to be seen by anyone, including myself.
I had been hiding her for the sake of protecting her and I have forgotten all about her.
Or where to look for me.

Oh, you loved me cuz I’m fragile
When I thought that I was strong
But you touched me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone

I have missed me, and didn’t realize how much I still do miss me.
I am tired of closing my eyes to myself.
So much so that I can’t even trust my emotional brain on who I see in the mirror as me anymore.
 

Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be
But you're on to me and all over me

Mourning the loss of what I once knew.
I want my dance movements to show my appreciation towards all I am able to feel.
Because I rather feel pain than nothing at all.

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on the ground
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down

I want to convert all these emotions into a continuous dance.
I want to set myself free with these movements, with my femininity.
It’s OK to have curves.  It’s OK to be me.
It’s fabulous to accept myself as I am.
 

Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long  

This morning on the bus ride to work, I quietly thought about my dance last night.  It was the first time I was able to allow myself the completely freedom to feel.

It was the first time that I was really just dancing for me.
It didn’t matter if I was perfect in my routine or not.  
It was perfect for the first time because I finally gave myself the chance to be me.

my open <3 is a young dove
with mending wings
and bruised courage
flying freely under the sun
hoping to find another
kind soul
to explore the world together
in harmony
weathering storms
or tornadoes
we shall always
have a companion
traveling through time

and the man who wins my heart will know it too.

Until then, I'm dating myself.
I am not looking anymore.  Things will happen if they are meant to be.
Even then, I will continue to date myself, cuz I'm worth it.

I heart this song.
So beautiful.

by Landon Pigg

I think that possibly, maybe I’m falling for you
Yes there’s a chance that I’ve fallen quite hard over you.
I’ve seen the paths that your eyes wander down
I want to come too…

I think that possibly, maybe I’m falling for you

No one understands me quite like you do
Through all of the shadowy corners of me

I never knew just what it was
About this old coffee shop I love so much
All of the while I never knew…
Ahh…

I think that possibly, maybe I’m falling for you
Yes there’s a chance that I’ve fallen quite hard over you.
I’ve seen the waters that make your eyes shine
now I’m shining too

Because, oh because
I’ve fallen quite hard over you

If I didn’t know you, I'd rather not know
If I couldn’t have you, I'd rather be alone

I never knew just what it was
About this old coffee shop I love so much
All of the while, I never knew
I never knew just what it was
About this old coffee shop I love so much
All of the while, I never knew

All of the while, All of the while it was you
You…
You…
You…

There will always going to be something that will hurt no matter how much time has elapsed. 
Then one day, that hurt will hurt less, but never completely.  It never becomes pain free.
Apparently those are the symptoms of my heart.

You never forget what was, what could have been, what was built, and what was destroyed so quickly.
You hope to make sense of it all, to make the best education out of it.
And you try to remember, what happiness taste like.

Hold on to the memory of that taste.  Hold on.